Things To Do To Telemarketers
Talk really fast.
Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static.
Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over
Make up your own language. Speak it.
Make up a one word language. Speak it.
Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have
an emergency?" If they say "Yes" say, "Please
state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their
emergency isn't an emergency.
If they say "No" say, "I'm sorry but this line is
for emergencies only."
Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer
to release the hostages.
Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball
Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.
Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Damn unreliable *69."
Pretend that the telemarketer is your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend.
Talk sexually, making references to what you are going to do to
him/her later tonight. When you "realize" that you are
not speaking to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend yell, "Pervert!"
Slam the phone down to hang up.
Communicate only through Morse code.
Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone,
and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.
Try to sell the telemarketer something.
Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are
really late for an important meeting.
Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her answer
ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.
If he/she says "No" insist that he/she buy yours.
If he/she says "Yes" ask if he/she will take a strange
Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll
never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!"
After saying one of these mutter incoherently.
Make him/her sing to get a sale.
If a male sings, claim that he sounds like Brittany Spears.
If a female sings, claim that she sounds like Barry White.
Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."
Say nothing until he/she hangs up.
Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you
need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.
Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and
hang up immediately afterwards.